Wednesday, March 14, 2012

PYHO: Judgy-Wudgy

I'm a mom.  I'm a mom of two (11 months and 4.5 years).  I'm not perfect.  Sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing.  I waver on some things, stay strong in my convictions in others and I'm learning as I go.  Sometimes I feel confident in my abilities.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm even scraping by.  It's a roller coaster, but I wouldn't ever want to miss the ride!

Although many of my friends from back home have children, and can relate to my struggles, confusions and elation.  In Ohio, I don't have very many mommy friends.  I try to be social on my street, and the ladies are wonderful and welcoming.  But, for some reason, they act like I'm the "baby" of the group, and, to be frank, don't really give me very much credit.  Sometimes I feel like an afterthought.  I certainly don't think they feel I have anything to offer in the mommy advice department, as my kids are both under the age of 5.  My work friends are mostly "trying" to get pregnant.  As someone who has struggled with SIF, I know the "trying" isn't always easy, so I don't pester them or bombard them with mommy stories.  They are amazing, supportive women, but until they are in the throws of mommyhood, we all know, they don't quite understand or really want to discuss some topics (although they try, and I love them for it!).

Because of my lack of IRL mommy friends, I have, for years, looked to the Internet for support, guidance, humor, and understanding.  I have been a frequenter (not sure if that's even a word) of theknot, turned thenest, turned thebump for years.  I still carry on regular conversation with bump friends, follow blogs, join fb groups, and just participate in their lives.  I very much appreciate that many of them do the same.  

However, sometimes the Internet can be a double-edged sword.  As much support, help and advice you can get, you can also get judgement, trolls, badmouthing, and doubt.  As I said in the beginning of this post, I'm not a perfect mommy...not even close.  I'm still learning.  But, aren't we all?!?  I sometimes feel like I'm not doing everything right.  I sometimes feel like I'm screwing it up royally, especially after I read posts/blogs/fb messages and the like that make me doubt myself over and over.  Most of this doubt comes from the Internet.  Am I not wearing B enough?  Do I not discipline T the correct way?  Am I the devil for giving my kids cows milk? (this was a recent discussion on my month fb group and it made me second guess myself)  Will the environment put a hex on me for not cloth diapering?  Did I fail my child because I didn't make it to a year exclusively breastfeeding?  Why are other pre-K'ers writing their first and last name, counting to 100 and starting to read?  Is it my fault that I'm not doing more practice with him at home?  Should I be "schooling" T on the weekends?  Is he not in enough activities?  (my one IRL friend has their son of the same age in soccer, tennis, basketball and art classes...man do I suck...T just does 1 sport at a time).  See...I doubt...a lot! 
Kidding of course!

So my point is, how can I still look to the community that I have begun to rely on for support, but not start to question every decision I'm making as a parent?  I love my blogging.  I love the community I have begun to feel a part of.  I very much enjoy the back-and-forth of my April group on fb.  I do jump on the bump from time to time if I'm having an issue or don't know how to handle something with the kids.  So...why do I come away with such doubt over the decisions I am making?  Why can't I be secure enough in myself as a mom that I can come away with a bug in my ear, but can confidently make my own decisions based on that knowledge AND my own?! 

For now, I'm sticking to my cows milk, disposable diapers, 1 sport 4.5 year old, mix of BM/formula, playing instead of teaching T when he comes home, buying organic...sometimes, wearing my baby...sometimes, use a reward chart and timeout for T, read 3 books every night instead of forcing him to write his name over and over when he gets home, and hope that I'm not screwing up these kids royally. 
How do you cope with parenting woes or doubts in yourself?  I would love to hear your coping skills.

Now go Pour Your Heart out and link up with Shell for her 2 year anniversary of PYHO!  Congrats!
 

8 comments:

  1. My thoughts....you can't do it all. Someone may seem like the perfect Mom, but they probably aren't. You do what works best for YOU. You will have things you do GREAT and other things you need to work on and that's ok. How boring would life be if everything was easy and perect. BORING!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm the mom of 3 kids under 4. I don't have a lot of IRL mom friends, but even my best friend and I disagree on parenting basics. You love your kids and figure the rest out as you go. They'll be fine! Don't be so hard on yourself! Oh and by the way...non-organic cows milk, disposable diapers, one sport, sometimes a book at bedtimes, McDonalds once a week, but lots of love here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We definitely hit McDonalds playland often! :)

      Delete
  3. Try to remember that everyone is just doing what they feel is best for their families. It's not saying that everyone has to do it their way. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just wish I knew when the advice is worth taking and when I should follow my own gut. Where's the manual on this parenting stuff?!

      Delete
  4. It's hard. I think that sometimes you just have to clap your hands over your ears and say "lalalalala" and do your own thing.

    Usually you know when you have made a mommy decision that doesn't feel right, no need for anyone else to second guess you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ugh...can I ever relate! It took me a long time to find good mommy friends after I moved to VA. & since I had my first at 22 and the next two followed rapidly I ALWAYS felt like everyone thought I knew nothing about mommyhood even though I was right in the battle with them. YOU ARE THE PERFECT MOM FOR YOUR KIDS! Found you over @ Bloggy moms march hop. Following along :)

    ReplyDelete

Comments? Me likey!