Lets Do This!

I have a problem, this problem is an addiction to adrenaline & endorphins.  I love to compete, and marathons & triathlons are my drug of choice.  When I was struggling with SIF, my addiction was blamed for my inability to get pregnant, my lack of "the proper hormones" to sustain a pregnancy. So while trying anything to make my dreams come true, I had to give up one of the things I love the most,training for races, in order to try to have a baby.  It was incredibly difficult to give up that part of my life for over 2 years (over a year trying to get pregnant & the time being pregnant and recovering).  But...I think I'm ready to throw my hat back into the ring. 

I was inspired by two of my very close friends kicking butt in a half ironman this weekend, and another close friend training for a full.  If you don't know what a half ironman is, prepare to be wowed!  It's a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike & 13.1 mile run!  It's a killer race, and takes the "average" triathlete about 7 hours (and I say "average" in quotes because you can't quite be average if you're doing a 70.3!)  Watching them successfully complete the race made me so proud of them, but also sad, as 2 years ago it was supposed to be me.  I trained for my own 70.3, and 2 weeks before competing was hosptalized for 2 days with severe pneumonia after an olympic distance tri.  I never got my chance to prove I could do it.  Have I missed my chance completely??

It's been a tough road getting pregnant.  It was an emotional and physical journey, and one I would never EVER regret.  My baby girl has fulfilled every dream, and I love our little miracle more than life.  However, it was quite difficult to give a piece of myself up during that time.  Can I ever get it back?  Am I a "former" marathoner & triathlete??? 

I would like to find out!  I'm thinking of signing up for a marathon in December.  Am I crazy?  I still plan to be breastfeeding then.  Will doing 40-50 miles/week affect my milk?  Is my body ready to train?  Can I not just "finish" but really compete with my previous 8 times?  Is it fair to my two children to be training for something when they need me?  How about fair to my hubby?  But if I don't do it now, will the window close?  Will I never return to the competitive sports that I love?  What to do, what to do?